Playing Small
Have you ever thought that you might be subconsciously playing small in your life because you have diabetes?
This is something I’ve observed as a Certified Diabetes Educator and now a Life Coach, in my practice of over 20 years. Let me share a story of one of my clients and how he played small in his life.
Since Joe got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes at age 45, he heard from physicians, diabetes experts, and from friends & family, how he could no longer eat certain foods and had to watch what he ate.
Because Joe wanted to do all he could to manage his condition, he was very conscious of what he ate, suppressing his desires and fondness for certain foods especially sweets. Anytime he and his wife went to social gatherings at their friends’ houses, he felt he was being watched by others and often felt their judgement around what he ate. For my client this evoked lot of different emotions………
Have you ever felt that? What are some emotions that come up for you when you remember being in similar situations?
To give you a better picture of what I am talking about, let me share the story Joe told me.
It was a day no different than any other. He and his wife had been invited to a social gathering at one of their friend’s house. He remembers having a lovely dinner, engaging conversations, laughter and fun. He was happy to be there and felt very relaxed.
That is until the desserts were being passed around.
Suddenly, Joe felt frozen. He became very quiet and he could feel all eyes on him when the chocolate mousse landed in front of him.
Joe felt pressure in his chest, his palms started sweating, and without another thought he quickly passed the mousse on to the person sitting next to him. As he watched others enjoying and commenting on how delicious the mousse was, Joe noticed he no longer had anything to say. He felt left out and alone in a room full of friends.
Something had changed.
Joe was no longer participating in the conversation; he had checked himself out. He was now in his head and there was a war going on within him.
At that moment, I asked him if he wished he had some mousse as well. Joe’s eyes sparked when he said ‘YES’.
I then asked Joe, why he didn’t have any. He looked at me as if I was crazy and not an expert in diabetes. He said with some disbelief, ‘Of course I couldn’t eat any because I have diabetes and I can’t eat sweets.’
When he said that, I decided to go a little deeper to see if I could help him find some clarity around thoughts and beliefs that has robbed him of pleasure in his life. I used a tool that I often use in my practice to help clients question their limiting thoughts and beliefs and find their own truth. It is, “The Thought Work” by Byron Katie.
First, I asked Joe if it is true that he can’t have desserts because he has diabetes? He had a very clear answer, ‘yes’.
I followed with my next question. What happens in that moment when he believes he can’t have the dessert that he wants ?
What came up was quite amazing and transformational. Joe realized that when he believes that he can’t have the dessert:
- He retreats within himself and becomes quiet.
- He is unable to participate in conversations. He no longer engages in any discussions.
- He gets sad, feels sorry for himself.
- He is angry and blames himself for getting diabetes.
- He goes into comparing himself with others, thinking he is less than everyone else in the room.
As you can see , this thought caused him a tremendous amount of stress in that moment. Joe was having this conversation with himself while others were enjoying the chocolate mousse.
Once I was able to identify the source of his stress, I was then able to explain and connect his emotional and mental stress to both the cellular and physiological levels in his body. I showed Joe how his inner conflict, effected his blood sugar levels. This was the exact opposite of what he thought he was achieving by not having a small amount of chocolate mousse!
I then asked Joe one last question. Who would he be if he didn’t believe for a moment that he couldn’t eat chocolate mousse?
To this he started smiling, he was happy again and said he would eat a small amount of mousse and continue to be present, to participate in the conversation and to enjoy himself.
Once again, I was able to connect the happy emotions to a cellular and physiological level and demonstrated that the effect those emotions would have on his blood sugar levels was a more positive effect than when he was sad and stressed.
This is one example of how someone with diabetes ‘Played Small’ on a daily basis. Joe was allowing his illness to define who he was.
A combination of understanding the science behind diabetes and connecting his thoughts, beliefs and emotions to blood sugar levels, allowed Joe to better navigate food related situations in social settings.
He felt free of stress, relaxed and able to Bloom!
What are some of your thoughts and beliefs about diabetes, that are preventing you from blooming?
.